I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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