my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
