Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
