when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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