So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
