Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
