I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
