living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
