so explain again why im purple
no
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
