i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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