omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
