Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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