It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
