They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize