You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
...so i touched it.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
