i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
false alarm. still invincible.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You may now shotgun with the bride
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
