i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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