Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
