At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
