Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
