If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
