Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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