Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
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