i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
