pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So much Jack, so little girl.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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