I wish life had little blips of pornography
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
