exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize