Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
