I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This house was built for laser tag.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
