ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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