bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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