the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
