I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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