Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
