Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
