p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
