Michael Bay diarrhea
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
