I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
