took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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