I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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