It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Drake has all the answers
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
