dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
