yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
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You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
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Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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