I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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