so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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