I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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