I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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