Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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