All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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