I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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