90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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