im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
