Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
