Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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