speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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