When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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