I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
