I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
