why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
