Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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