Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We have started to decorate penises.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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