well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
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He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
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I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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