Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am spending my child support on dildos
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I deserve this hangover.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
