HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We need to get me chipped asap
I enjoy the company of your penis
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