Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize