he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
