All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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