my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
