I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
