This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
