worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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