I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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