its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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