It's Friday. Sex?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
