Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize