Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
