I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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