she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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