I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
