worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
