So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
