"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
