I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
